Why I Learn: A Woman's Perspective

For me, there’s something very special about learning.  Digging deeper and deeper into a sugya, struggling for hours with a chavrusa over a rishon or honestly searching for the definition of a concept or the meaning of a pasuk, is irreplaceable.  In my experience, the actual learning is just the beginning.  The search continues: it may come up in conversation with a friend or simply occupy my thoughts while I wait for the subway or cut a salad. Theoretical discussion studied in the Bet Midrash often comes to life later in the day when similar halakhot arise in the living of Torah.  Those moments are so special.  Still, perhaps most precious for me is when I encounter a parallel argument or approach in a seemingly irrelevant topic.  The topic may be another area of halakha or something unrelated to learning at all, like a new insight on language, history or even relationships.

Learning enriches my Judaism.  I can’t imagine living a Torah lifestyle and keeping halakha, without an understanding of the long and complex development of halakha which leads to our current practice.  That’s not to say that my actual practice is contingent upon my learning the background of that particular halakha; I would still say that most, if not all, of my practice of Jewish law is based on the actions of my parents.  Rather, my knowledge that this practice is the summation of a halakhic dialogue spanning millennia adds an invaluable new dimension to the lifestyle ingrained in me over the past twenty-one years.  But how do I attain that knowledge?  To know the halakhic process isn’t to memorize the first mishna in Pirkei Avot and continue to construct a list of mefarshei haTorah, the great sages in our mesora until I come to contemporary poskim.  It can’t be.  This approach may lead to knowledge of the factual truth of mesora, but to add this inspiring new dimension of understanding where our practice comes from, that demands something more.  To know the halakhic development is to understand what it means, to experience it first hand, to internalize it. 

Does this sound familiar?  Does any of this sound like a woman’s perspective?  Not really.  Actually, it has little to do with women in particular.  It’s intrinsic to an informed and involved Jewish lifestyle, especially that of an intellectual person living in the 21^st century. 

The truth is that I struggle with that assertion.  Does learning Torah need to be a central part of each and every Jew’s life?  What I described above is my personal experience and while I definitely don’t think it’s a universal one, I’m not convinced it needs to be.  It is very possible to practice, keep and really experience Jewish law without knowing the process leading to our reality.  Yet, to me it doesn’t seem quite as exciting and dynamic.  Then again, excitability and dynamism are possibly not indispensable to an observant Jew’s life.  I believe that people who are less inclined to learning are practicing equally as authentic a Judaism as I am.  It is impossible for me to accept that “a simple Jew” a couple of hundred years ago, who lived and breathed a Jewish lifestyle, was less involved in his Judaism than I am because I have greater understanding of its sacred texts.  He was involved, he was authentic

More recently the question arose as towhether or not a lifestyle built on a mysterious sacred mesora is not just dynamic and exciting, but appealing.  This is exactly when the study of Torah, Gemara and the development of halakha becomes indispensable.  As Jewish autonomy was systematically dismantled in the early Modern period a Jew no longer needed his community for survival and so being a part of the community became much more voluntary.  Once associating with the Jewish community was practically voluntary, it was essential that it be appealing.  It was thus necessary for one’s Jewish identity to be informed and armed with the background of our most rigorous texts. 

Naturally, the subject of women’s learning was contested as it overturned previous practice and law.  Legally, men are obligated in talmud Torah and women are at the very least exempt from learning and at most prohibited from it.  Ironically, I don’t want to get into a halakhic discussion on the matter; suffice it to say that Judaism was loosing its appeal to the young Jewish women in Europe who were broadening their cultural horizons by studying in secular universities.  Many of these women were quickly slipping away from their traditions; they were assimilating and marrying non-Jews, because they had no anchor.  It became clear that to be a Jew in the modern world demands a certain amount of self-confidence and intellectual honesty neither of which are provided by a mere cursory exposure to the texts upon which the tradition is based.  For a woman with learning experience, tradition was (finally) encountered not just by imitation but by acceptance of the tradition with great appreciation for its rational, dynamic and divine nature.  Hence, Sara Schenirer and her Beis Yaakov movement, which eventually led to the establishment of a yeshiva day school system for girls and even SCW. 

Independent of the dangers of intermarriage, the image of a woman very involved and active in the secular world—as a university student, a lawyer, even an avid reader—while bereft of any background in the area most important to her, her religious grounding, seems preposterous to me.  It’s not only the threat of women leaving Judaism that should have worried the community; it’s that there was nothing compelling women to stay! Despite her formal exemption from talmud Torah, I cannot understand how she could be so well-accomplished in one area of G-d’s world and so ignorant about her Judaism, G-d’s path for her in this world! There is, I believe, intrinsic value in her education. 

Thank G-d the opportunity is now available for women to learn.  Now that it is, I think it is incumbent upon those who think their avodat Hashem would be strengthened by talmud Torah to capitalize on this amazing prospect.  How would a student discover that part of herself without ever being exposed to learning? Perhaps, courses including talmud Torah should be a requirement in day schools to allow for that exposure and encouragement, in very much the same way her science and history classes are compulsory.  I personally am very thankful for having had the study of Tanakh, Gemara, and halakha as a major focus in my elementary school and high school education.  I am indebted to SCW for honing those skills and deeply grateful for the opportunity provided by the Graduate Program for Women in Advanced Talmudic Studies (GPATS) to dedicate myself to learning full-time. 

An important question that comes up in creating curricula for Gemara and halakha education is if the material covered should specifically be “practical sugyot” or just on any given topic in Shas.  I have often heard this question with regard to women’s learning and rarely as directed to learning in general.  At least the way I experience learning, its influence does not vary depending on which field of learning is explored, rather its the tapping into the world of learning, to the basis of our legal system which enriches my service of G-d so much.  

While I enjoy the support of many friends and family members in terms of my decision to learn in GPATS, it is sometimes hard to swallow the less than enthusiastic response from others in my life.  All the while I know that there are tremendous amounts of great Jews that don’t relate to my connection to learning.  Truthfully, the confusion on the part of those outside my immediate community doesn’t bother me that much. Those same people wouldn’t relate to other elements of my modern Orthodox American lifestyle either: my college degree, for example, may seem similarly extraneous to them.  But discussing this topic within the Yeshiva University community and being met with a general skepticism of women’s learning, is very painful.  All I can say is that it’s not an agenda, not a political statement; it’s just a will to know and serve my Creator.

Shoshana Samuels is a recent graduate of SCW